Not all Esau's relatives and subjects followed him to Seir. Certainly some of his people went in the opposite direction, to Central Palestine, presumably finding asylum with princes of Mithani origin; these included the previously mentioned Abdi-Khepah, Lord of Salem (Jerusalem), and another Aryan, Birashshena, lord of Shechem. An indication that this happened lies in the fact that Deborah, Rebekah's “nurse,” rejoined Jacob right after his return to Palestine; surely she was accompanied by others as well.
It is very significant that Deborah was close to Rebekah; this circumstance gives us an idea, not completely unfounded, of what Rebekah did after her favorite son departed. She was a highly capable and energetic woman who apparently played an influential role in the governing of the principality before her husband died.
As already mentioned, the episode narrated in Gen.27,11-30, where Rebekah replaced Esau with Jacob in order to secure the latter’s blessing from Isaac, was probably not completely true. Nonetheless, the ease and assuredness with which she planned the conspiracy says much about her role and the influence she exerted. Even more explicit are the Genesis verses 27,46 and 28,1, which reveal that it was actually Rebekah's will that made Isaac disinherit Esau: “Then Rebekah said to Isaac, 'I'm disgusted with living because of these Hittite women. If Jacob takes a wife from among the women of this land, from Hittite women like these, my life will not be worth living!' So Isaac called Jacob and blessed him....”
That Rebekah had a strong will and an independent character is also demonstrated in Genesis 24, 57-58, in which both her father and brother expressly asked her opinion before consenting to allow her to go to Palestine: “Let's call the girl and ask her about it. So they called Rebekah and asked her, 'Will you go with this man?' 'I will go' she said. So they sent their sister Rebekah on her way along with her nurse and Abraham's servant and his men ....”
When Isaac died and Esau seized his principality, Rebekah helped Jacob to flee, but she personally remained in Palestine. This is the last news we have of her. Esau certainly had no reason to be grateful to his mother; probably he hated her. But it is very unlikely that he avenged himself on her for her intrigues by either imprisoning or even killing her. He probably limited himself to neutralizing her and keeping her away from affairs of state. Rebekah, on the other hand, when advising Jacob to run away, showed no signs of being worried about her own fate. On the contrary, she seemed sure of being able to calm her elder son and to prepare for the return of the other: “Wait,” she said, “I'll send word for you to come back at the right moment.” But there is no indication that this summons was ever made. Rebekah surely died before her favorite son could see her again; in fact she never appears again in the account and is only named in connection with the death of her nurse Deborah, an indication that she had died previously. But exactly when? Even here there is no direct indication, only a weak clue constituted by Deborah herself.
From the fact that Deborah joined Jacob later, we can infer that Rebekah never ceased supporting her younger son and that she was at the head of what could be defined as a party in opposition to Esau, and to which all those people devoted to Rebekah obviously adhered. When Esau retreated to Seir, all the adherents to this party moved off in the opposite direction, taking all their goods and livestock with them; they found asylum either in the principality of Salem or in Shechem, ruled by princes of Mithani origin. It seems very unlikely that this could have happened if Rebekah were already dead at that time.
First of all they would have had no chief to guide them, and so would have quickly become dispersed. Secondly, Esau would not have permitted them to free themselves from his domination; only by virtue of his mother could he yield on this point. Furthermore, it is very improbable that anyone other than Rebekah could have had so much influence at the courts of the princes of Salem and Shechem, obtaining authorization to reside in their territories, while remaining autonomous in expectation of Jacob's return. Finally, it is clear that Jacob’s return was arranged from Palestine and that he had received ample assurances that no obstacles existed (Gen 32,12). Therefore, only his mother could have had the influence and the political ability to make this possible. We infer then that Rebekah was still alive when Esau was forced to abandon Hebron, and that instead of following him to Seir she, together with her close relations and a certain number of servants with furnishings and livestock, sought refuge with the Prince of Salem. She obtained authorization from Abdi-Khepah to reside, presumably, at Bethel, where she settled with her people. Subsequently, she busied herself preparing Jacob's return, and when everything was ready she sent for him.
Jacob was not free to leave whenever he wanted. He had first to devise an accurate escape plan and wait for a favorable moment to put it into motion. If for no other reason, he had to wait for the summer when the fords of the Euphrates were passable for small livestock. So, presumably many months passed before he could set out, during which time Rebekah died. If this reconstruction is correct, she died in Central Palestine, probably at Bethel, and the date of her passing may fairly reliably be placed a few months or even weeks prior to Jacob's return.
Correspondingly, it is possible to estimate the length of Rebekah's life. When Abraham's servant arrived in Mesopotamia, she was a young girl, ready for marriage, and thus probably between twelve and sixteen. Isaac, as we have said, must have been about fifteen at that time. Taking into account the influence that she always exercised over him, she was presumably more mature and more responsible than he and therefore not younger then him; she was probably fifteen or sixteen. Just like her aunt Sarah, Rebekah was infertile for a long period and had her twin sons only after twenty years of marriage, at thirty-five. She was about fifty-five when her husband died and Jacob fled to Mesopotamia, and died a little less than twenty years later, at the considerable age of seventy-four.
After Rebekah’s death, who attended to the affairs of the small tribe of exiles while waiting for Jacob to return? In those times, no weakness or power vacuum was tolerated. The law of the fittest prevailed in relations between populations and there was always someone ready to rush in and fill a power vacuum, however temporary. So after Rebekah had passed away, the affairs of the tribe must have been in the hands of an equally energetic and capable person, who was also proven loyal to the absent lord, Jacob.
Who could this have been? In this case as well, a casual mention with no apparent informative content, can enlighten us. Genesis 35, 8 almost incidentally announces that “now Deborah, Rebekah's nurse, died and was buried under the oak below Bethel. So it was named Allon Bacuth.” Allon Bacuth means “the oak of weeping,” a name that immediately evokes the image of an entire tribe in tears, gathered around the tree under which Deborah was buried. It would appear to be a rather exaggerated display of grief except if we take into account the facts that preceded Deborah's death and who really wept for her.
Deborah is indicated as Rebekah's “nurse”--an unlikely description. Had she really been her nurse, she would have been at least ninety years old at the time of her death. This is not impossible, but unlikely for those times. It is almost certain that she was Rebekah's personal maidservant. Sarah had a maidservant, as did Leah and Rachel; the only “matriarch” to be without one would be Rebekah! These so-called maidservants, assigned to a mistress, enjoyed a particular status-- almost the lady’s alter ego. In fact, Sarah, Leah and Rachel all gave their maidservants to their husbands to sleep with, so that they could have children through them. They were, therefore, women of good social standing, assigned to the personal service of ladies of high lineage, to assist them in every way.
Rebekah too had her maidservant who was probably only a little younger than herself. There is no indication that she slipped her into Isaac's bed; however, she must have been particularly close and faithful to Rebekah. With her, Rebecca shared all her secrets and entrusted her with the execution of all her wishes. She was Rebekah's alter ego and had to transmit all her orders and ensure that they were obeyed, as well as settling all current affairs. In practice, she was the administrator for the entire tribe of Hebron exiles, and as such she was known, respected, and probably loved by all. Upon Rebekah’s death, it was inevitable that control of the tribe remained in her hands.
So for many weeks, possibly months, the “Palestinian tribe” of Jacob remained in the capable hands of a simple “maidservant.” Is it a wonder that this woman should have had such funeral honors as befitted a chief? Jacob had been away from her for twenty years, but the Palestinian tribe had never been without her and they owed her much. Is it really surprising that so many tears were shed over her grave?
Deborah, therefore, was Rebekah's maidservant. Why then is she known as her “nurse?” The Hebrew term for maidservant is the same as that for “slave.” Some unknown copyist or translator, who could not otherwise understand the reason for so much grief, must have substituted the more noble word “nurse.”